Blog #2, 4-17-12. Acknowledgement: the name of my blog, “everything belongs”
Is taken from a beloved book by Richard Rohr of the same name.

Beware of what you ask for. I have been saying to myself, rather boldly that I know that I need to release my grip, my ego attachments to security and illusion of control in order to hear the call of my soul, the divine invitation. As I prepared to depart, I realized that I would need to close my practice and release the committed professional relationships to many of my patients whom I care about, yes love. I wanted to find the very best psychiatrist and/or psychotherapist for each person under my care. As I contacted many colleagues, I came to realize that I could not guarantee who my successor would be. The best mental health providers are busy and may not be able to accept new patients or only a few. I had to trust in the resources of my patients to find the doctor they needed and trust the “universe”, beyond my control. This proved more difficult and painful than I had expected.

As I began to prepare for my trip, I developed a painful knee injury, which turned out to be a new tear in my right medial meniscus. Slowed down, needing to walk deliberately, I realized that this would not be a vigorous adventure as I idealized it from my younger years of travel. In physical therapy, I learned that I needed to learn a new gait, a new way to walk, awkward and with a new center of gravity. I would have to release my ideal of physical vigor and endurance, my dreams of youthful pace, not easy losses to accept.

I recognized how many medications and vitamins I would need to carry in order to be away for 5-6 months. Travel light? Pharmacy and insurance allow 6 months refills?

I set up bank transfers and auto pays to manage money and ensure its availability during my time away. 2 days before I left, I learned the arrangements that I had made for bank transfers were blocked by new bank requirements.

I wanted to write a blog but found repeated confusing obstacles. Both printers in the house were without ink or replacement cartridges on the day before my departure, so I could not make copies of directions or web sites for my journey.

I would be away from my wife, best friend, advisor, traveling partner. I would need to release my control over bills, family and office business. I would have no income, no position, job, status, official or professional security.

How would my long departure affect my relationships, family, social, professional, personal, health care?

My personal and professional relationships, my physical health, mobility, endurance, fitness, illusion of power control, money, illusion of youthful strength and independence, feeling of value to others, and other personal issues are all being shaken, tested, challenged. My illusion of control, security, safety, durability, power, and being needed are dissolving. As I surrender control over my plans, outcomes, and my sense of certainty about everything, I enter into a new world, way of being, that reveals my hubris and pride, false self. What do I trust in?